The Night Before the Morning After
by The Carnivorous Muffin
Summary: After driving a very expensive car to attract men ended in pitiful failure a desperate Lily goes back to the drawing board, and then desperately takes up Lenin's advice. Fortunately or not, it goes off the rails. Sequel to "Life in the Fast Lane" and side fic of "Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus"


**Author's Note: A few notes before we start. First, this is a side fic of "Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus" and if you haven't read a good portion of that you'll be very confused. Second, this is a sequel to "Life in the Fast Lane", and if you haven't read that first you might be slightly confused (though I think you can get away without that one). Also, because of all that, this is very NOT CANON.**

* * *

August 1995, Saturday 10:00 pm, A Day That Will Never Happen, which Followed a Previous Day Which Never Happened, but Isn't Implausible

* * *

At the end of the summer of 1995 a few events of momentous occasion had occurred. First, and perhaps most notably to the wizarding world, the dark lord Voldemort had gotten the band back together and broken everyone out of Azkaban including his favorite crackhead booty call Bellatrix LeStrange.

Of course, as the Daily Prophet was conveniently owned by Lucius Malfoy, himself an avid Death Eater, the paper and the government was in full fledged denial of Wizard Lenin's spectacular return and had instead resorted to calling Cedric Diggory, Dumbledore, and even Lily names all national headlines.

Now, Cedric and Dumbledore she could see, as both had made very public statements regarding Voldemort… Well, the other Voldemort's, resurrection. Lily though, she hadn't really talked about any of it, but she supposed just by being the girl who lived it was her duty to be slandered in the country's only legitimate paper.

However, also of note, puberty had come and crushed Lily like a squirrel crushed by a steamroller. And where once she was a happy and indifferent child she was now a woman with unfulfilled needs who had gone to such desperate lengths as learning how to drive red sports cars to pick up exceedingly attractive men.

Unfortunately, that had been a complete wash and ended with the Dursley's car in the Thames as well as an exasperated and disapproving Wizard Lenin (who liked to pretend he hadn't been eager to escape his followers for an afternoon).

And, as the school year approached, Lily herself was forced to come to some very serious and depressing conclusions. One, that the Cedric Diggory plan wasn't going anywhere fast, the boy was hopelessly in love with Cho Chang and Lily's attempting to ask him to the Yule Ball the year before should be warning enough that down that path only lied bitterness and humiliation.

The other was that if she didn't take care of this fast then… Well…

The creepy Rabbit sex dreams had not discontinued, no, they'd even gotten even more vivid and oddly surreal as her dream-self seemed mildly convinced that sex with Rabbit equaled the annihilation of the universe. The trouble was that her dream-self was so… lonely, needy, or something that she no longer cared. She'd just lean into the warm touch, those cold, black, eyes, she'd smile, and then ignore the sound of reality shattering into tiny pieces.

So, point being, as September approached like the date of her own execution Lily felt her own desperation grow and the thought of starting a band, trying the car thing again, or oh just about anything else not only didn't have appeal but rang hollow inside her head.

So, right towards the end of that summer before her fifth year, just after Lily had turned fifteen, an entirely too desperate Lily decided that she was desperate enough for truly desperate measures. Namely, she was desperate enough to take Wizard Lenin's advice and get Draco Malfoy absolutely plastered and bang him, because even if he was Mini Pimp it would at least be something.

And she could always just close her eyes and pretend he was someone, anyone, else.

So, one fine summer evening, Lily cheerfully apparated into the Malfoy Manor, bottle of high end wizarding champagne (where the bubbles would float on up into the air because wizards were fancy like that) in hand she appeared right in front of Draco Malfoy.

"Potter!" he spluttered, falling backwards off the chair he'd been sitting on and staring at her with wide, terrified, silver eyes.

How was it, Lily wondered dully, that he seemed more scared of her now than he ever had before Wizard Lenin went and rounded up his followers? She would have thought she was plenty terrifying in Hogwarts but according to Draco Malfoy's reaction it was much worse now. Maybe it was because she had more or less free access to his house…

"Malfoy," Lily said dully and then motioned to the bottle, "I come bringing the finest of champagnes."

Draco stared at it as if he didn't quite understand what the word champagne meant, then, slowly, looking at her, he asked, "Why?"

"Mini Pimp, you and I are about to embark on a great drunken spiritual, and very physical, journey," Lily said and then looking at him, looking at his rather pinched features, his white blond hair, and that expression on his face that always had just a hint of smugness in it even when he was terrified for his life, Lily said, "And I, at least, will need to be hideously drunk."

Then, pulling him along wandlessly, Lily searched out the game room where she and Mini Pimp could relax by the fire and the ornate carved wizarding chess boards while Lily wasted no time on pouring a glass for him and for her, "Cheers, comrade."

She clinked her glass to his, a small sharp tink, and then threw back the burning liquid and let it simmer down into her blood and begin to paint the world with a strange golden haze. Draco, staring wide eyed for a moment, fear written everywhere, did the same after a second's hesitation.

"So, Pot… Ellie, what exactly are we doing?"

Lily stared at him and immediately felt the need to take another drink, she did so, feeling a numbing sort of buzz coursing through her as she explained, "Well, Malfoy, I have discovered I'm a woman with needs."

Draco flushed, for once understanding exactly what she meant without clarification, he spluttered and took another drink.

"I am a woman with needs and, for the moment, am without a man to fulfil them," Lily then looked Draco over critically, from his rather thin shoulders, spindly torso, and his chicken legs, "Now, I'd hardly say you qualify as a man, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Which I guess in this case is spindly pedigreed schoolboys."

Draco flushed but this time looked somewhat insulted, "I didn't ask for your attention, Potter! And who would you rather have anyways?!"

Lily grimaced, still not drunk enough to appreciate Draco Malfoy's… Draco Malfoy-ness, whatever that even was. He was… He was just like a ferret, an overgrown silver ferret that somewhere along the way had gotten confused and thought he was a real human being. Ferrets were not sexy animals.

"Well, just about anyone, Malfoy," Lily said, although there were plenty of others she wouldn't have asked if she thought about it, but Draco Malfoy was about the lowest she was willing to go in this bout of desperation.

If Cedric Diggory was available and willing, then they would not be having this conversation.

Draco angrily drank, face now flushed not only from rage and humiliation, but also from the alcohol, and he said, "And you think if I'm drunk enough then I'll…"

"Your dark lord thinks that, actually," Lily cut in, which stopped Draco short, leaving some combination of horror, nausea, and embarrassment on his face, "He was the one who suggested this whole scheme. I was rather dubious myself."

Draco swallowed, poured himself another glass with now shaking hands, and said, "I see."

Lily's eyes narrowed, Draco growing fuzzy around the edges to match her fuzzy thoughts, and she laughed slightly, feeling a little warm and a little distant as she pointed at him, "God, you are unattractive, comrade."

Draco flushed further, stared bitterly down at the table, "You don't have to…"

He took another drink, shook his head as he looked at her, "My life's shit, Potter."

Well, that was a bit of a tangent, Lily leaned forward onto the table, glass in hand, "What?"

"No, it's true my life is… Everything is terrible now that the dark lord is back," Draco grew pale, began to shake, as if he feared that Wizard Lenin could hear through walls and would even now strike him down with a fiery and divine vengeance, "It wasn't supposed to be like this! But he came back and he just… He's punishing us, I know it, my whole family for I don't even know what…"

"Well, for Trotsky, obviously," Lily said with a snort, taking another drink as she thought back to her old friend, Wizard Trotsky, who was still running around somewhere out there like the cockroach you just couldn't kill, "Your father's the stupid bastard that set him loose in a school."

"Who?" Draco asked, dipping sideways as the alcohol appeared to catch up with him, not that he showed any sign of slowing down his drinking.

"Trotsky, the diary," Lily said, then motioned to Draco in drunk exasperation as she slurred, "Your asshole father is the one who gave Ginny Weasley the diary, Trotsky, and now he's running around England probably planning to blow up parliament."

That or take Lily for his child-bride, he was a distractible guy. Eerily intelligent and good at wriggling out of corners and traps, but not really inclined to the more long-term planning that Wizard Lenin or even the original half were so fond of.

"All of Lenin's passive aggression," Lily said with a dismissive hand waive, brushing Wizard Trotsky aside for the moment, "Or even his blatant aggression towards your stupid father is really about that. Well, that, and he hates the whole bloody lot of you."

"Hates us?" Draco asked, sounding genuinely hurt and betrayed, "Why would he hate us?"

"Are you kidding?" Lily guffawed, pouring another glass for Draco and herself, "You bloody idiots made him Charles Manson! I mean, he found it very convenient, but that doesn't mean he likes any of you."

At seeing Draco's further dismay Lily felt the need to awkwardly pat him on the arm, although she couldn't help but cringe at the contact, and at that wondered exactly how this sex thing would go down if she couldn't even touch his clothed arm, "He kind of hates everybody, don't take it personally."

Tears appeared at the corner of Draco's eyes, he shook his head, flushed and despairing, and with a laugh said, "He doesn't hate you."

Lily pursed her lips, trying to think that over, but the alcohol was making everything sort of fuzzy and hard to follow. Still, she wanted to say that not all of Tom Marvolo Riddle liked her. Well, Wizard Trotsky liked her entirely too much (to a terrifying extent that belonged in thrillers), Wizard Lenin and she had been best friends forever, but the third… She wasn't sure what the third portion of Tom Riddle's soul thought of her.

Except… No, even he hadn't disliked her, Lily thought that she had amused him rather. Which, for what was left of him, seemed about as close to liking as he could actually get.

Draco didn't seem to be waiting for an answer, instead his head drifted onto the back of his chair, tilted at a strange angle, and he looked at her as if in awe, "You know, my father, my father would be… will be… He'll be so bloody happy that this is happening."

"That what's happening?" Lily asked, feeling a little disjointed and like she was forgetting what they were even talking about or doing here.

"Well, you know…" Draco said, given her a drunken rather meaningful look, complete with wiggling awkward eyebrows.

"Oh, shit, right, me riding you like a bloody cowboy," Lily said, immediately taking a drink to try and banish that image from her head, "Wait, are you saying Lucius Malfoy wants me to bang you?"

"No, no," Draco said shaking his head, then stopped, flushing, "Well, yes, maybe he'd be… He keeps telling me to get closer to you, date you especially, because if we can get closer to you then…"

"Then what?" Lily slurred, "I'm really not following this line of thought."

Draco's red face became impossibly redder, "You know, the dark lord he's… He's got this weird thing with you…"

"Weird thing?" Lily asked, wondering if she was drunk enough to be missing large gaps of this conversation already, she was feeling very tipsy, beyond tipsy, but she didn't think she'd drunk that much yet.

Draco held up his hands, his drink spilling slightly, as he then said, "Now, Potter, just think about it, he comes back from the dead and suddenly it's like you're bloody living in our house. He treats you like a bloody princess, you just come in and you… You Ellie Potter the whole bloody place!"

"I Ellie Potter?" Lily asked, not even sure what that was supposed to mean, but Draco just nodded like Lily was really getting it.

"That's right, and he doesn't even bat an eyelash, and you should see the way he looks at you. Like… Like he cares or something," Draco then descended into nonsensical mumbling while Lily tried to parse what exactly that meant, even though her head was really starting to hurt thinking this much.

She then gave up, sighing and taking another sip, "I don't think I get it, man."

"Just… Just…" Draco motioned to her, to Lily in all of her glory, "It's important, whoever marries you is really bloody important, and father thinks it'd be very good for the Malfoys if it's me."

"Oh, oh hell no," Lily said, laughing so hard she had to wipe tears from her eyes, "Oh, Mini Pimp, I may descend to this level but to do it multiple times, and to marry you?!"

"I didn't say it was my idea, Potter!" Draco said, and then he pointed, "And you're the one prop… prop…"

"Propositioning?"

"That's right, you're the one doing that to me!" Draco said, motioning to himself with true affront, "And you keep saying that you don't want to do it all."

"Of course I don't," Lily sneered, "Just look at you, you're not even anywhere close to be a man, you're just this skinny ridiculous thing and I keep drinking, and drinking, and drinking and goddammit you still don't look like a shirtless Viking who wants to have his way with my sweet virgin flesh!"

"Why would I look like that?!"

"That's what the romance novels said you should look like!" Lily retorted, face growing heated and slurred voice growing louder, "But no, Lily can't have that, she just gets to be uncomfortable and yearning and stuck with you and your bloody marriage proposals that you can shove up your skinny pale ass."

"Who's Lily?" Draco asked, but then decided he didn't care as he pointed, accused and said, "I'll have you know that plenty of women like me, Potter!"

"Name one, asshole," Lily scoffed, the world tipping a bit as she took yet another drink from the unlimited supply of champagne she'd brought with her.

"Pansy," Draco said, far too smugly, "Pansy says she bloody loves me."

Lily just laughed and held up two fingers, "Alright, first, Pansy is Pansy so she hardly counts. Then, b, she likes your bloody money. I don't need your money. I am a strong, independent, and very financially independent woman!"

Draco looked as if he was going to slur some retort to Lily's very true statements but fortunately he was cut off by a very unexpected arrival. Wizard Lenin, wide eyed and at once vaguely terrified and also incredibly exasperated, appeared in the room as if the hounds of hell were chasing after him.

Lily barely had to glance at him to realize what had happened, because even drunk, Lily knew exactly what must have happened, "Lenin, comrade, I take it that booty has called?"

Lily laughed, hand slapping against her thigh, god she was so witty. And was it just Lily or did she seem ten times wittier when drunk?

Draco across from her spluttered, grew fearful and nonsensical as Wizard Lenin looked down on him and Lily with contempt, and then walked over summoning himself a chair wordlessly, "Lily, what in god's name are you doing?"

"Taking your advice, Lenin," Lily said motioning to herself and Draco (who now was looking for exits from the room like the pale little weasel he was), "I have… I have needs Wizard Lenin, needs and alcohol, and the closest thing to a willing man I could find."

Draco staggered to his feet while Wizard Lenin was busy looking at Lily in judgement, but before he could get anywhere Wizard Lenin's wand shot out and hurled him back into his seat, the armrests twisting and caging Draco in.

"Oh, lord, please don't kill me," Draco spluttered, eyes wide, tears streaking down his face, "I swear I didn't… I wasn't… I was… I just…"

Wizard Lenin rubbed at his temples, eyed the champagne, then conjured a glass for himself and poured the alcohol in, "I leave you alone, Lily, for five seconds."

Lily took that rather personally as she slurred, even watching while Wizard Lenin began drinking his own truly healthy amount, "Hey, it was your idea, comrade! I would have never thought about it if you hadn't kept suggesting it!"

"I remember you also pointing out at the time," Wizard Lenin said after downing one glass like a professional fraternity brother, "That you could do better, and in hindsight, I heartily agree."

"Well," Lily shrugged, motioned to Draco, now struggling in the chair desperately, like some caged drunk animal, "It wasn't exactly like I had a wide selection, was it?"

Then, turning her attention back towards Wizard Lenin (and man, he was really going to town with that alcohol, there must be some terrible image of Bellatrix's emaciated naked body he was trying to repress), "And besides, I said that and then you said to go and do it anyways."

Wizard Lenin shot her a wry, if somewhat fond, smile and noted, "At the time I was distracted by you driving a car into the Thames."

"You say that like you weren't escaping from…" Lily trailed off, misplacing the word somewhere in her drunken haze, then motioned to their surroundings as if that said enough, "This."

"This?" Wizard Lenin asked.

"Yeah, this," Lily then pointed to him, catching onto him and his game, "You're even escaping from it right now!"

Wizard Lenin looked as if he wanted to deny it for a moment, even as a flush grew on his cheeks and his eyes took on a somewhat glazed look, but then shrugged and said, "Guilty as charged."

"Ha, I knew it!" Lily said, slamming her hands down onto the arm rest, "So, what was it this time?"

"Naked on the desk," Wizard Lenin said with a shudder immediately followed by a healthy drink.

Except now Lily had the image in her head too and she was pretty sure naked meant, well, naked and not even lingerie. She took a drink herself, not even wanting to imagine what Bellatrix looked like naked on anyone's desk. It was all too clear why Wizard Lenin must have immediately turned tail.

Wizard Lenin then dramatically sighed, looking quite a bit drunk himself, and said to Lily, "I'm just too bloody pretty."

"Pretty?" Lily asked, and out of the corner of her eye she thought she might have seen Draco go stock still, pale as death, as he realized what he was hearing. And that if Wizard Lenin were thinking clearly and sober then he'd never leave the room alive (or maybe this was Wizard Lenin's revenge, he'd mentally scar Mini Pimp, then he'd use it as excuse to kill him off and present Lucius with the corpse.)

Wizard Lenin nodded, as if this was his burden in life, "I've always been pretty, since the very beginning, and I'm not saying it's not useful. I never said that, Lily, but it's…"

"Inconvenient?" Lily guessed for him, and he nodded, smiled in appreciation.

"Yes, it's inconvenient," he then paused, gave Lily a somewhat sardonic look as he noted, "You know, Bella in the old days, she really wasn't so bad, certainly not on the eyes. She was very pretty, if you were into dark haired femme fatale type. More she was… so enthusiastic and passionate, and so very clearly interested, and I couldn't think of a reason at the time to say no."

"I can think of several," Lily cut in and Wizard Lenin just shook his head as he drank.

"Well, sure, in hindsight, but I didn't have that luxury at the time," he scoffed, motioning to their surroundings, then pointedly to Draco Malfoy (who appeared to be trying to will himself to somehow bleed into the chair and cease existing), "Of course, none of this is what I expected! I mean, look at him, the perfect representation of my followers. Don't you just… Don't you just loathe the very sight of him?"

"Completely," Lily agree, tapping her glass against Wizard Lenin's in a toast to their mutual dislike of Draco Malfoy.

"Most of the time I'm not thinking of how to take the country, how to kill Dumbledore, no I spend my days thinking up ways to passive aggressively make my followers regret they were ever born," Wizard Lenin said, shaking his head as if he couldn't believe his current state of affairs, that all his ambitions had come to this.

"You're drunk," Lily said in wonder.

"No," Wizard Lenin said with a truly absurd amount of sarcasm, "You think?"

"I thought I was drunk," Lily said, motioning to herself grandiosely before motioning to Wizard Lenin, who was looking oddly more attractive than usual as the alcohol loosened the tension in his shoulders, brought color to his face, and brightened his eyes, "But you're drunk!"

"I need to be bloody drunk," Wizard Lenin snorted, "Life has progressed in such a way that I must drink."

Lily laughed in turn, "Well, I'll drink to that!"

Wizard Lenin smiled, a genuine fond thing, one that was quite beautiful as he once more touched his glass to hers, "Cheers, Lily."

They both drank and then looked across at each other, and maybe it was Lily, but there was almost this glow around him. Not really anything to do with light, but more like, something making him softer and warmer than usual yet still very much himself even as he smiled so freely. She hadn't seen him smile like that in years, if she ever had at all.

"Lily," he said, breaking Lily's train of thought, "Don't do it."

"Do what?"

He motioned drunkenly to Draco, "Pounding drunk Draco Malfoy into the mattress, it's not worth it."

Oh, Lily had forgotten about that, Wizard Lenin didn't seem to realize that though as he continued, his own words starting to slur a little as he said, "It's just not worth it, you think it's a one time thing, or maybe a seasonal gig, and then suddenly it's ten years later and they're chasing after you with whips and handcuffs and you walk in on them naked while they're posing on your desk."

"Whips?" Lily asked, eyes wide as she leaned forward, but Wizard Lenin just wiggled his eyebrows, in the way that Draco had tried and failed to do earlier.

"Our friend Bella likes it rough."

Somewhere, somewhere in the room or maybe just in the back of Lily's imagination, she heard Draco spluttering in drunk horror.

Lily just nodded quietly, storing that information in the back of her brain, but then her drunk mind started pinging, like she was forgetting something important, "Wait."

"What is it?" Wizard Lenin asked, but Lily's brow furrowed, the fuzzy thought slipping away from her.

"I forget," she said, as if she herself couldn't believe that the thought was just gone, like it had never been there in the first place.

Wizard Lenin shrugged, poured himself another glass and took another drink, and as he did so somehow Lily remembered again, "Wait, wait, but I have to sleep with Draco!"

"No, you don't," Wizard Lenin scoffed.

"Well, not Mini Pimp, but I have needs! I am a grown woman with needs," Lily cried in desperation, placing her hands on her heart as if begging Wizard Lenin to look inside and understand her plight, "And if I don't sleep with the ferret then I'll keep having horrible sex dreams about Rabbit. And I can't keep having horrible sex dreams about Rabbit!"

"Oh, well, that is serious," Wizard Lenin said, as if he didn't think it was serious at all, which just went to show his impaired judgement.

"It is serious!" Lily cried out, "And I feel like I'm just going to lose my mind if I don't do something!"

Wizard Lenin then looked at her, seriously looked at her, pale eyes roaming up and down her body for a moment. He leaned forward, setting his glass on the coffee table between them, lifted one of his hands to take Lily's chin in his fingers.

Then, he smiled, that soft fond thing, "You know what, Lily? You're right, you do have needs, and maybe I have needs."

"Huh?" Lily asked eloquently but Wizard Lenin just put a finger, long, pale, elegant, and warm against her lips. Suddenly, Lily's lips were tingling.

"We'll do it, Lily, you and I, without any strings attached," Wizard Lenin said, his smile growing into a devious grin, "After all, hasn't it always been you and I? Just two ex… brain mates and then no more Bellatrix with whips and no future Draco naked on your desk. And your hair is so… I love your hair, your eyes, I've always loved so much about you…"

Lily had to wait until he removed his finger, but she could still feel it even when he moved his hand back, could still taste his skin, and hoarsely she whispered, "I… I'm not sure if 'no strings attached' is really a thing, Lenin."

"Nonsense," Wizard Lenin dismissed even as he took another drink, "How would you know?"

"Wasn't that the point of your story?" Lily asked, "That Bellatrix's got loads of strings."

Wizard Lenin shrugged, "That's different, she wanted strings, she wanted many many strings. You… We're… I don't know, we're friends or something and it's…"

He then gave her a rather flat, accusing look, as if she was purposefully trying to outwit him and asked, "Do you want to get laid or not?"

Well, naturally, Lily wanted to get laid. Plus, as she stood and staggered her way over to Wizard Lenin, collapsing onto his lap with a smile, she noted, "Well, you're far more sexually appealing than Draco Malfoy."

Wizard Lenin scoffed even as he rested his forehead on top of hers, his face so warm, "Of course I'm bloody more sexually appealing than Draco Malfoy."

His stood then, picking her up with him (though it appeared to take a truly note worthy amount of effort for them to both not tip over), and when they were steady he began to walk out of the room, ignoring Draco's horrified increased spluttering behind them. Then, as they walked towards the direction Lily vaguely remembered belonged to Wizard Lenin's bedroom and Wizard Lenin's hand began to wander, he stopped in the middle of the hall as if struck by lightning.

"What is it?" Lily slurred out, more exasperated than anything.

"Lily, how old are you?" he asked.

"What?" Lily asked in turn.

"I… I can't…" he then looked down at her as if she'd just lied to him, "Are you only fifteen?!"

"So?" Lily asked, hardly seeing what that had to do with anything.

He then looked down at her, puzzled, and in his drunken state decided he didn't care much either, "It's close enough."

And with those romantic words, Wizard Lenin opened the door, throwing Lily onto the bed with a little less accuracy then he could probably normally manage. And later, much later, they could face the truly hideous hangover and awkward morning after to trump all awkward morning afters.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Written for the 4100th review of "Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus" by Mot Elddir who asked for Lily and Lenin's first date or else a romantic setting between them. Well, in this world, the first date was "Life in the Fast Lane" in which Lily and Lenin go for a joyful car ride. Seducing Draco is the far more successful second date. And yes, at the end of this story, Draco is still stuck in the chair thinking he's going to die in the morning.**

 **Thanks for reading, reviews are much appreciated.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**


End file.
